Paper Dragons

First, an attempt to update farther…

   
 I got my truck back today. First time I’ve driven her in almost a week! Felt good to be back behind her wheel. She drove nicely - nicer in fact that she had in a long time. So maybe I won’t have to relegate her to picking hay bales up out of the pasture or teaching the cousins how to drive in her… I may be able to get a few thousand more miles out of my pretty white truck. But I’m still keeping my eye open and bank account frugal… just incase. 
 Didn’t make it to the car show this past weekend… too much going on. Major sad. Was looking forward to that!
 Biceps are incredibly sore. Shoulder/Bench presses are kicking my ass. But I damn sure will be ready for summer this year!! 

 This past excerpt of life has been another rich in the fruits of revelation. Emotions are hard to deal with, but you don’t have to base your life around them. 
 The horse I’m astride for this part of my life is tentative, watchful, and skittish as hell. She’s elusive and edgy… like trying to keep a firm hold on water. One minute she’s boldly racing toward an intimidating cross country fence, and the next she’s shying off to the side suddenly in doubt of her confidence. 
 What do we do in a situation like that? If we’re schooling, we take the fence down a level. Since we can’t do that in cross country, we start with a smaller fence. Don’t force it. Both eyes forward, and eventually the horse will get across. Once she’s gained her airs and learned the tricks to “paper dragons” (which I will explain later), then she can master the higher/wider/much-more-scarier fences. 
 However if we’re in competition we don’t have the luxury of simply taking it slow. Sometimes we have to push the envelope and hope for the best. We loosen the reins, give a little trust, a little stroke on the neck. A deep breath. Regroup. Circle back around, keeping up your canter and head straight for the fence again. Don’t look at it. Look over it. Look towards your goal - not the obstacle in your path. 
 If the relationship is good and solid, then usually no problem. You sail right over and onto bigger and better things. If there are trust… issues that’s when you encounter the vicious circle of testing and retesting. What do you do in THAT situation? Either get off the horse and start all over, or take it back to a comfortable level where you both are sure in ya’ll’s mutual confidence. (how ya like that “ya’ll’s” thrown in there? Lol)
 

 So I guess right now I’m practicing. I have the luxury of schooling myself through lower fences before I hit the major water obstacles and option fences - talk about a mess there. 

Paper dragons… something a dear friend once explained to me. Usually the fears in our minds are much greater than the whole of the fears in reality. For example: there was a story about a child who lived in constant fear of going out doors. The child’s mother and father had told of horrid things that can happen - the wild animals that could eat you. At night, the child would stand by the window and catch glimpses of ghostly white animals beyond the safety of her door separating the outside from the inside. She had so built up this fear in her head that she, eventually, could hardly stand to look outside. The enormity of the situation shook her - she was trapped. She decided to be brave, bold, and courageous.. She ventured outside. Beyond the door that separated her safety and known from the danger of the unknown. Know what she found? All of the animals and dragons she’d glimpsed were paper. Nothing at all to fear from them. She’d been trapped in her own mind by paper dragons. 

How liberating a feeling to finally understand it’s all about strength of mind? Pushing your comfort boundaries and finding what works for you. 

May we all have the grace and strength to push our own boundaries enough to love.. To really love. To really live. To truly forgive. And to understand without fear or anger. To accept for what one is.